Wondering minds & Restless souls.


The night time has crept up on me. The days seem to go by slowly but as soon as evening sets in the night quickly comes. I don’t hate the night time. I actually enjoy it. It’s a peaceful sense. It’s quiet and I get to snuggle with my dog. There are a few cons with one being mind wondering, though.

I’ve always told myself that I shouldn’t ponder on what tomorrow brings because tomorrow isn’t here yet. I do wish I could follow that rule.

I have a lot to do when tomorrow does come so my mind is flooded with all the ‘what if’ scenarios. I’m quite anxious about it because it’s completely out of my comfort zone. I focus on all that could go wrong rather than what could go right.

My mom is a negative thinker. She thinks of the worst first and the best never. I’ve picked that up along the years and it’s a hard habit to change. Especially when you’ve grown up around it.

In all honestly I love being productive. It’s the scheduling to be productive that throws me off. It gives me anxiety to know that I’m tied to doing something. Although I wouldn’t call myself a control freak I still like to go with the flow.

I guess you could switch the phrase and say I freak if I’m in control. I don’t like being in control just as much as I don’t like to be scheduled and like to go with the flow. It’s a losing battle. Oh well.. That’s me. I have to learn to love it.

In the back of my mind I’m always sure tomorrow will go okay, will go as planned and as smoothly as I wish. That’s what it’s like to live with an anxiety disorder.

Tomorrow is never fun. It’s always a worry. If I were to have a free day tomorrow I’m sure my mind would find the worries and there they’d be stuck all around my head.

You just have to look at the positives first. The best outcome but most reasonable. I send good vibes to all that go through it. I wouldn’t wish anxiety on my worst enemy. In my opinion if you don’t have it you don’t fully understand it.

Before I ever had anxiety I witnessed a girl having a panic attack at my high school. I talked to her and asked what was wrong. She said she was panicking and that she was scared. I asked her why and she didn’t seem to have a clue. I remember thinking that it was silly. I did hope she was okay but I didn’t understand the feelings that she felt as I shrugged it off as nervousness.

I still to this day wonder about the girl and understand how she felt that day. If I could just go back and tell her that I get it and that it will be alright. I wish everyone would be more compassionate toward people with anxiety.

It’s so much more than nervousness or butterflies in your stomach. It’s like you’re living in a personal hell with someone controlling your body. You’ve just got to learn to fight it and take control of yourself again. I still fight to take control but I don’t regret anything. It is and will make me a stronger person. I am learning coping skills I never would have learned had it not been for my struggles.

If you see someone out and they’re having a panic attack please do something. It would make them so much less panicked if you would stop, ask what’s wrong and comfort them. They just need to be told that it’s alright and that they will get through it like always.

It’s no fun being in a crowd with everyone staring at you like you’re a zombie or like you’re dying. Before freaking out yourself at least ask what’s wrong.

You could make a difference in their entire day and give them the motivation and strength to do what they need to do the rest of the day.

Remember that you can make a difference in someone’s life. We are the writers of this story. This world is ours and we create our lives daily.

You give and you receive.

That’s all for now as I need to catch some shut eye for my long day tomorrow. My silly thoughts are closed for the night. Zzzz


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