Throughout my life I have always wondered why I had hard times. Why couldn’t I breeze through life like everyone else seemed to do? I focused on all the unfair times and all the things that went wrong in my life. I didn’t understand why I would try so hard only to have things going wrong in all directions. As I’ve gotten older I have realized that all those times I thought I just wouldn’t make it through. I wondered if I would be able to push through and be happy.
I feel that I’ve struggled a lot throughout my life. I’ve had a lot of loses of people that I loved very much, I’ve dealt with severe anxiety leading to panic disorder and agoraphobia, I have also dealt and still do to some degrees with an eating disorder. Those are just snipits of things that I would call unfair. I always sat depressed saying it wasn’t fair that I had to go through these things. I didn’t choose them nor would they go away. I felt that some evil curse was on me that I could never get through.
I realized that my next door neighbor, passing lady on the street or any stranger I met may not be dealing with anxiety, agoraphobia or any of the problems that I may be facing. I often thought why was it fair that “Blank” got to enjoy the things I once loved while I was stuck in such a dark place. It didn’t cross my mind that those around me may be suffering in their own dark place. Why would I be the only one that was suffering?
I realized that constant thinking and dwelling on my situation wouldn’t change anything about it. If I pondered on all of the negatives I started to lose sight of the positives. If someone were to speak to me about my situation I would have to struggle to make up a fake smile and tell them that I was much better. I acted as if things were so good that people started to think that I actually was back to my normal self. When I did have a downfall everyone would be seemingly surprised since I had been doing so well but that wasn’t true at all. It wasn’t better and neither was I.
I wanted so badly to be a positive person. I wanted to be someone that got through any situation and didn’t let anything get in my way of succeeding. I started to focus on how I could be that person and I eventually started becoming more positive. I lived and breathed positive quotes and still do. When I had previously looked in the mirror what I saw wasn’t me. I was a happy, fun and silly person. I loved to be joking and laughing and that’s who I wanted to be.
I started a positivity journal which consisted of all the positive things that happened during the day whether they were big or small. Some of my positive things were so basic that they sometimes were “I cleaned the house today.” or “I made a new recipe that turned out really good.” In the journal was nothing negative. I was only to write the positives. I didn’t think it would help at first and thought it was kind of silly. After writing in my journal for a while I started to realize that I was now losing sight of the negatives and seeing the positives. All of the bad things in my life didn’t go away but I was able to better cope with them. It’s okay to cry out and it’s okay to have bad days. It’s only a problem when we let those bad days repeat themselves and get us in a negative state of mind.
If I hadn’t had bad times in my life I wouldn’t have learned coping skill. I feel like learning those skills that suit you are what you really need to succeed in life. Things aren’t always going to go your way. You’re going to feel like the world is against you and that’s okay too. You just have to know how to keep pushing through and tell yourself that you will get through it. Situations that I have been through I thought I may never get out of but here I am. I’ve made it through those situations when I thought I wouldn’t. Things I thought would never resolve eventually did. You have to realize that even though things seem as if they will never work or will never resolve.. They will. You are here now and you are passed all those things. As a human being we have to continue to move forward but also realize that we will continue to have hard times throughout our life. We need to not focus on them and focus on all the great things that are going for us.
The things that helped me are my positivity journal, remaining positive even when I feel that I can’t be or that I’m not ”truly” believing my positive mindset. I put my faith in God because I wanted to feel protected. Many nights I sat and just talked to God and told him how I felt and what I needed. I wanted guidance and to be shown what I needed to do in life to get through these dark times. It’s a great feeling to be able to share your feelings and get them off of your chest.
The things that help me may not be suited for you but if you keep trying you will find the things that help you most. You can make any coping skills that you want. Live by those and stay positive. Dark times call for brighter tomorrows. You will become stronger than you ever have been! If anyone needs support feel free to contact me. I’ve been there and know that things will get better and you will rise above into the sunshine!